Masked Without a Mirror
“ Masked without a Mirror”
National Domestic Violence Hotline 1−800−799−(SAFE)7233
No one gets into a relationship expecting and anticipating abuse unless you’ve experienced it before. Just as any relationship it always starts with what people consider a “honeymoon stage”. The honeymoon stage is a period of time in a relationship were both or one person in the relationship feels everything is perfect you’re attached, and everything is to your expectations. You’ve spent days, weeks and possible months sticking with each other in hard times because more than likely you have a lot similarities of struggles or hurt going on in your personal life that person just seems to get it. However, it's more than the words that swept you off your feet. It felt deeper than the deceptive arms that held you at night to manipulate the voids you tried to fill in the daytime. It's not something that heterosexual woman go through. It isn't something women just go through, domestic violence is something that anyone can experience regardless of gender or sexual orientation. Some may consider that person a savior from any situation that you may have felt you needed to be saved from. You’ve probably confined in each other about family problems and your personal outlook on them so both of you have a sense of each other’s background.
Maybe you’ve never got a chance to witness the core of your partner’s hurt, but you’ve experienced episodes of red flags that shows the toxicity of that person’s baggage. You get to learn each other’s weaknesses and strengths, but with the pros of love or your perception of unconditional love allows you to accept them flaws and all. You probably even feel like you can change that person or be the influence to that change. Not considering the cons that compromises your self-worth, self-love, self-care and integrity. That also applies to men; I feel like men who're victims of domestic goes unnoticed like a rape victim trying to get justice.
I've never thought that I would find myself writing a pros and cons list for a relationship until I found myself in a tug of war choosing to grow within myself and wanting to be more understanding of her. I've experienced it for half of the year that I was in that relationship. After I had left I realized no matter how many times a person says they’re leaving; you’re never truly gone until you’ve REALLY had enough. Most of the time it sadly goes to the extreme of the unforgivable or worst. Resulting in someone losing their life or going to jail.
In most cases that's not even enough for some to walk away from a toxic situation. It seemed like every time I wrote a list the cons get longer and I get to see how much shit I took from my ex. Sometimes even a short cons list shows a great amount a disrespect that a pro couldn't and wouldn't make up for. I'm sure I'm not the only person who believed that their partner's cons and flaws will work itself out one day. I had accepted that I too had my own baggage though she used it as a justification to her own hurricane. I was oblivious to one of the many signs of abuse, gaslighting.
I find it disturbing how people are blinded to the many kinds and levels of abuse that people experience. Most people hear domestic violence and assume that it's physical but if you ask me physical abuse is barely touching the surface of domestic abuse. Verbal and emotional abuse is a form of mental abuse that threatens your peace and safety. The power of words is so critical to the human mind when it comes to the people we love that it would make you question if those labels used to gaslight you are true. There are other forms of abuse that men and women experience no matter the sexual orientation which is so common such as verbal.
By verbally insulting, antagonizing and threatening your safety or peace meaning they’ll talk a good intimidation game as if you’re just another person on the street but it never results to anything. It’s a tactic to capture your silence, it's an element of control to see how many levels they can take you then project their shit onto you. Mentally and emotionally belittling, manipulating and denigrating your character. This is your lover defining your self-worth by minimizing your existence to theirs like a narcissist. In the cycle of abuse those same lips that hurt you hits the reset button when he/she comes with sincerity in their voice and says "I love you." Followed with a demand, because it's never really a question or request for forgiveness.
My perception of love has been altered my entire life so I’ve had my share of stone-blinded love. I’ve been abused and been the abuser due to my perception of love. I’ve also been the toxicant or possibly an enabler of some of my past lovers demons and vise versa. The Bible says “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” So when I think about love nowadays I revert back to those elements. Is my love and is my partner's love patient, kind, generous, modest, humble, honorable and unselfish. Do we give each other the benefit of the doubt before resulting to anger. In forgiveness we find each other holding no records of wrong doing. Do we protect, trust, hopeful and persevering in supporting and aspiring each others goals.
In a previous relationship I’ve had someone who took complete advantage of the vulnerability I possessed at that time. Like most people looking for something to cope with or in my case someone who understood me I’ve come to a point in my life where I understood that I had baggage to unpack. Even though that was something I was determined to do I understood my infatuation of needing to feel loved and wanted as many people do but won’t dare to admit. I vowed to myself that I won’t allow my baggage define me, my journey, or growth. Anything that stands in the way of that most be removed from my life immediately. My ex came along and seemed to be everything I thought I needed or hoped for in a partner on this journey. In the end she turned out to be a sheep in wolves skin. Someone who came off as kind, caring and charismatic but would display her true evilness behind closed doors.
After a few months of dating she treated me as if she was the savior I needed when the truth is she hasn’t began to safe herself of her own demons.
It’s risky to get involved with someone while knowingly working on yourself because you're open, exposed and vulnerable. It is also dangerous to not be aware of your flaws being that when you're aware of makes you who you are no one can use them against you. One of the abusers best weapon is your weaknesses. They look to break down the shield you hold over your short comings to make you believe that they're the only person who will put up with them. Manipulation. Though your partner will add damage because abuse you're NOT responsible for those short comings. Those are the cons that out weight any pro on your pros and cons list that should give you the realization that it is time to let go. It is the mask that God reveals to you. It should give you realization of the mask you don't need to uncover with a mirror.
Itsceewrites
National Domestic Violence Hotline 1−800−799−(SAFE)7233
No one gets into a relationship expecting and anticipating abuse unless you’ve experienced it before. Just as any relationship it always starts with what people consider a “honeymoon stage”. The honeymoon stage is a period of time in a relationship were both or one person in the relationship feels everything is perfect you’re attached, and everything is to your expectations. You’ve spent days, weeks and possible months sticking with each other in hard times because more than likely you have a lot similarities of struggles or hurt going on in your personal life that person just seems to get it. However, it's more than the words that swept you off your feet. It felt deeper than the deceptive arms that held you at night to manipulate the voids you tried to fill in the daytime. It's not something that heterosexual woman go through. It isn't something women just go through, domestic violence is something that anyone can experience regardless of gender or sexual orientation. Some may consider that person a savior from any situation that you may have felt you needed to be saved from. You’ve probably confined in each other about family problems and your personal outlook on them so both of you have a sense of each other’s background.
Maybe you’ve never got a chance to witness the core of your partner’s hurt, but you’ve experienced episodes of red flags that shows the toxicity of that person’s baggage. You get to learn each other’s weaknesses and strengths, but with the pros of love or your perception of unconditional love allows you to accept them flaws and all. You probably even feel like you can change that person or be the influence to that change. Not considering the cons that compromises your self-worth, self-love, self-care and integrity. That also applies to men; I feel like men who're victims of domestic goes unnoticed like a rape victim trying to get justice.
I've never thought that I would find myself writing a pros and cons list for a relationship until I found myself in a tug of war choosing to grow within myself and wanting to be more understanding of her. I've experienced it for half of the year that I was in that relationship. After I had left I realized no matter how many times a person says they’re leaving; you’re never truly gone until you’ve REALLY had enough. Most of the time it sadly goes to the extreme of the unforgivable or worst. Resulting in someone losing their life or going to jail.
In most cases that's not even enough for some to walk away from a toxic situation. It seemed like every time I wrote a list the cons get longer and I get to see how much shit I took from my ex. Sometimes even a short cons list shows a great amount a disrespect that a pro couldn't and wouldn't make up for. I'm sure I'm not the only person who believed that their partner's cons and flaws will work itself out one day. I had accepted that I too had my own baggage though she used it as a justification to her own hurricane. I was oblivious to one of the many signs of abuse, gaslighting.
I find it disturbing how people are blinded to the many kinds and levels of abuse that people experience. Most people hear domestic violence and assume that it's physical but if you ask me physical abuse is barely touching the surface of domestic abuse. Verbal and emotional abuse is a form of mental abuse that threatens your peace and safety. The power of words is so critical to the human mind when it comes to the people we love that it would make you question if those labels used to gaslight you are true. There are other forms of abuse that men and women experience no matter the sexual orientation which is so common such as verbal.
By verbally insulting, antagonizing and threatening your safety or peace meaning they’ll talk a good intimidation game as if you’re just another person on the street but it never results to anything. It’s a tactic to capture your silence, it's an element of control to see how many levels they can take you then project their shit onto you. Mentally and emotionally belittling, manipulating and denigrating your character. This is your lover defining your self-worth by minimizing your existence to theirs like a narcissist. In the cycle of abuse those same lips that hurt you hits the reset button when he/she comes with sincerity in their voice and says "I love you." Followed with a demand, because it's never really a question or request for forgiveness.
My perception of love has been altered my entire life so I’ve had my share of stone-blinded love. I’ve been abused and been the abuser due to my perception of love. I’ve also been the toxicant or possibly an enabler of some of my past lovers demons and vise versa. The Bible says “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” So when I think about love nowadays I revert back to those elements. Is my love and is my partner's love patient, kind, generous, modest, humble, honorable and unselfish. Do we give each other the benefit of the doubt before resulting to anger. In forgiveness we find each other holding no records of wrong doing. Do we protect, trust, hopeful and persevering in supporting and aspiring each others goals.
In a previous relationship I’ve had someone who took complete advantage of the vulnerability I possessed at that time. Like most people looking for something to cope with or in my case someone who understood me I’ve come to a point in my life where I understood that I had baggage to unpack. Even though that was something I was determined to do I understood my infatuation of needing to feel loved and wanted as many people do but won’t dare to admit. I vowed to myself that I won’t allow my baggage define me, my journey, or growth. Anything that stands in the way of that most be removed from my life immediately. My ex came along and seemed to be everything I thought I needed or hoped for in a partner on this journey. In the end she turned out to be a sheep in wolves skin. Someone who came off as kind, caring and charismatic but would display her true evilness behind closed doors.
After a few months of dating she treated me as if she was the savior I needed when the truth is she hasn’t began to safe herself of her own demons.
It’s risky to get involved with someone while knowingly working on yourself because you're open, exposed and vulnerable. It is also dangerous to not be aware of your flaws being that when you're aware of makes you who you are no one can use them against you. One of the abusers best weapon is your weaknesses. They look to break down the shield you hold over your short comings to make you believe that they're the only person who will put up with them. Manipulation. Though your partner will add damage because abuse you're NOT responsible for those short comings. Those are the cons that out weight any pro on your pros and cons list that should give you the realization that it is time to let go. It is the mask that God reveals to you. It should give you realization of the mask you don't need to uncover with a mirror.
Itsceewrites
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